Circle Prayers

My family is pretty special. Now, I know people say that all the time and I’m sure they mean it. Their families are probably pretty wonderful too. This past August there were 17 of us all together in one giant cabin in Lake Tahoe. There were nine “children” ages 15-25 and eight adults, including my three siblings, mom and myself. The last time we’d gotten together was two years ago at my dad’s memorial.

It began on a Saturday evening; I pulled my Jeep into the driveway and joined the other cars. As I entered into the cabin, I could already hear the laughter and recognize the noisy banter in the kitchen. I hugged; high-5’d and greeted everyone as they began to fill one another’s glasses with refreshing drinks and pile food onto platters for pre-dinner snacks. Everywhere you looked there were family members together who were smiling, embracing, chatting and beaming. Grandma, children and grandchildren were all sincerely so happy to be together in that magical mountainous place.

The evening continued with more of the same…more joking, more hugging, food, drinks and genuinely happy times. We started grabbing cameras and capturing a little bit of it on film, but I find, due to my lacking any skills in the photographer or photogenic department, that I have to hold onto the images in my head, and more importantly, my heart.

We are such a diverse group of people: white-collar, blue collar, college-educated and not. We have kids who love music, dance, dogs, lacrosse, football and travel. We have adults who work with kids, their hands, their minds and one who is retired. We have readers and writers and song-makers, poets, sports page aficionados and ones who have found their bliss in their garden, on their boat or on a field with players.

Each evening before we ate dinner we gathered together for our “Circle Prayer” time. The first night my mom began to say how happy she was that we were all together at last, and that, in particular, we appreciated one nephew coming from Hawaii, another family from Milwaukee and one who didn’t have to complete his night shift and Target. Now, that’s as far as she got…because of course, she was interrupted. Several times. We were all like a bunch of Tigers bouncing with joy to be together. Somehow, she pulled it off and ended the gathering with blessing the food (which doesn’t always happen surprisingly enough).

The second night we gathered together after having spent the day paddle boarding and hanging out together at the beach. The day was a bit more emotional for mom, she began to say how she was just so happy we were together and how she felt my dad’s presence with us up on that mountain…she started to get choked up, her eyes tearing up to the point she couldn’t quite complete the prayer. My brother soon took over, and eloquently said how great it was that we could all be together, what a great day we’d all had together and how much it meant to be under one roof.

The third day we had quite an adventure on the Truckee River. Let’s just say there was splashing, dunking, swimming, eating, drinking and a rousing rendition from one of our own, which involved taking song requests while standing on both rafts and bellowing songs for the entire river to join in on the fun. There was a six-year-old admirer (later saved by one of my nephews as his child-sized kayak capsized). There were bikini-clad tubes floating by us…

The afternoon concluded in a rather dramatic fashion as the raft carrying the adults (which included my seventy-four year old mom, or “grandma”) got stuck on a big rock and water filled up the entire raft at an enormous speed. This is called, “high siding,” for those not in the know. We got life vests on Grandma and the “other” Auntie Kathy, bailed the water out twice with the now-empty cooler. We somehow made it safely to shore and were all a wee bit traumatized by the event. Grandma even had to strip down to her bathing suit in front of all the diners of the restaurant located at the end of the ride. It was certainly memorable.

In the evening, we ordered pizza (after much debate). As we gathered together grandma/mom had us each say one word to reflect upon the three days we had with one another. My word was “drown” as I was going for humor. Others used more poignant, articulate choices for their word, some chose profound or puzzling words. Together, all the choices of words encompassed the love we have for one another. We went our separate ways for a few days, one family stayed in Tahoe, another to Carmel while the remainder of us headed back to work.

Last night we gathered together one last time at Grandma’s house before everyone headed home. As we stood together holding hands for our last Circle Prayer, my brother told me to lead it. This was the first time. There was a pregnant pause. What should I say to capture all the love we have for one another, the acceptance of our differences, the bonds that tie us together? So in simple words, I said that I hope that my kids and all the “cousins” can continue to gather together long after my mom or my siblings and I have left this Earth. I hoped that they could see that although we’re all so different, it’s because of this, that “we” work. Whether they marry and bring new people into our circle, they have children of their own, or others remarry, we are a family because we love one another and are here for one another.

No one said it, but when we gather together in our traditional Circle Prayer, dad is there, right in our midst.

(Loving every minute of it, or so I believe).