Deleting Contacts

Today I was talking with a friend. He had just deleted all the emails from a woman he'd been dating, getting rid of her contact information from his phone and his computer.

It caused me to pause and reflect upon what I've learned about people's personalities. That is, timing, is everything.

Are you the kind of person who clears closets, empties picture frames and removes all memorabilia right away? Do you purge and eliminate all evidence of a person's existence? Do you want to move on?

Or do you gather all traces, putting them in a box tucked away deep in the inner recesses of  your garage, basement or stairwell closet? Is it avoidance or are you allowing time to process events to reflect upon at a later date?

Perhaps you are the kind of person who wears the t-shirt he gave you from his work, favorite sports team or a trip he took. You keep the emails in a folder on your email account so that when you need to read them they are there, as is his contact information or the multiple drafts from emails you chose not to send. But you are still sitting in the hurt or grief or alone-ness, allowing yourself to feel the emotions, until they pass. Knowing they will.

It does not seem to matter if it is death, divorce or the break-up of a loving relationship. The pain is still there to deal with at some point in time.

I know when I gave away my favorite pair of oh-so-comfy-fire-department-newlywed-purchased sweat pants from my ex-husband to our youngest daughter the acute pain had subsided. It took many years.

Deleting both my dad's name and another girlfriend who had died around the same time from my list of phone contacts and my email list was brutal. I waited until I felt keeping them hurt more than deleting them.

Today, inspired by my friend I opened a file on my computer with emails from a past love. I pressed delete.

Delete.

Delete.

Delete.

Then I made the  mistake of opening up a few and reading them. I began to selectively delete. I could see, clearly, how much I've grown and changed in the past four years. I wanted to take the time to reflect upon all that I had learned. I was running out of time. I went to the trash file and moved them all back into the original file labeled, "XX." I'm almost ready to do it. I just need a long night to do so.

Sometimes it's hard to throw everything away with just one delete. I've learned I need to wait a little bit longer because timing is everything.