Love: Cyber-Style

Love has found a home on the Information Highway. There's Match.com, OKCupid, Fitness Singles and eHarmony, to name a few. This week I found love on Facebook.



It began on Mother's Day. I now have one daughter who is a soon-to-be college graduate,  a son who is a sophomore in college and another daughter who is a junior in high school. This year I could not be with all of my children. My son phoned me early in the morning to wish me a happy Mother's Day and tell me he loved me. My daughters and I went to dinner with my brother, his wife and my mom to celebrate the day. All in all, a lovely day.



Later that night my oldest daughter and I were sharing the couch, my new laptop at my fingertips. My youngest was just down the stairs on the computer looking at all the new post-prom photos that had been downloaded on Facebook. We called my son to check on his flight home in a few weeks. He says that because it is Mother's Day, he will accept my friendship request on Facebook, and to go crazy as it will only be for three hours.



As my older two have gone away to college, I have tried to not be a "hovering" parent. We're very close but I have given them a long leash to become adults while simultaneously supporting them. I have let them be the lead as to how frequently we speak and how often I could visit them. I did send them care packages but sometimes contact has been minimal.



Facebook is another story. To friend or not to friend? That is the question.



When I joined two years ago, my youngest daughter immediately accepted my friendship.  Her older sister and brother did not. As a result, my youngest daughter de-friended me.



Ouch.



However, faith was restored shortly thereafter when she friended me once again. My oldest daughter finally friended me when she wanted photos and realized she had nothing to hide as well (I'm sure she deleted a number of photos and postings from friends first). My son? He wouldn't. It was something he'd tease me about constantly. Every once in a while I would taunt him back mentioning his friends that had requested MY "friending" (at least I knew to never request to be their friend,  a sure-fire social faux pas if ever there was one). I know he and his friends talked amongst themselves because I did mention that certain people had photos on their sites that might want to be hidden, or removed. I never told him who but they are a smart bunch and soon access was denied to those photos and albums that might be deemed offensive. A wise move on their part. I did not, however, under any circumstances "falk" them (that is my new word for Facebook stalking, "falking").



I  digress. I admit I broke down and finally requested his Facebook friendship. What happened? Nothing. Nada. Zip. For over a year and a half my son has denied my Facebook friendship. That is, until this past weekend when my son told me to go crazy and enjoy myself for three hours. A wiser woman would have used restraint. Not me.



I immediately zeroed in on his profile pictures. Knowing my son has a great sense of humor I began to comment on them. First I "liked" a bunch of his photos. Then I happened upon the one with photo-flash red eyes and commented, "Son of Satan, red eyes," not my finest literary prose, but I could not resist. Next came, "Hmmmm, someone is a sleepyhead" on the photo with him in a sleeping bag. I found one that I had to comment, "I love you but... DISLIKE." I begin to laugh and my comments. My oldest daughter began looking over my shoulder and laughing too.



Next I came upon the photo of him falling in the creek, I commented: "Oopsy, I hope you weren't hurt honey." The photo of him with the 5 o'clock shadow and hiking on a trail? I said, "The walk of shave." At this point my younger daughter begins "like"-ing my comments or writing, "Good one, mom." The text messages begin coming from my son asking what I'm doing. He responds to my comments. His friends join in the  fun, too...we're now laughing up a storm in Northern California while he's growing irritated in San Diego and friends at Oregon State, Chico, and other places are in on the joking.



As I'm commenting away on his photos I receive a message on his status page, "Going." I continue my comments with his friends joining in on the exchange.



Another message to me, "Going." And I know what's coming but I continue looking at his profile photos and commenting on them.



"Gone." He then de-friended me. A mere thirty minutes had gone by and I was right back where I started. Or was I?



I began a "BRING KATHY BACK" campaign on my Facebook status and somehow I had gotten a plead or two posted before the de-friending had occurred. I started rallying all the kids I knew who were friends with my son. Peer pressure CAN be a good thing. They started telling Troy I was so entertaining that they thought I should be "friended" again.



Eventually Troy gave in and we were "friends" once more. In fact, he even posted a photo of he and I as his profile photo, as was the norm for Mother's Day this year. I remember that day. It was in the nineties and I helped him move into his dorm on the eighth floor. We made no less than ten trips up those flightof stairs. I would say I earned that shared profile photo. I would even venture to say I have earned his Facebook friendship. But I won't take it for granted. Love, cyber-style is a pretty amazing gift that at least this woman won't take for granted.

http://sanramon.patch.com/blog_posts/love-cyber-style