Sell It To Me

The term "Sell It To Me" came from a former boyfriend. His children were younger than mine and he had limits on their computer, video or gaming usage. This included other reasonable rules that were implemented.

In the name of compromise, every so often he would relent on various child-rearing restrictions by allowing his children the opportunity to do the following: They would have to "sell it to him" as to why they should be allowed to do the activity. Perhaps it was staying up a wee bit later, playing 15 minutes more on the trampoline, or a little bit more time on the computer. This was not a daily occurrence and to me seemed like a good lesson for children on the art of negotiation or compromise.

At the time two of my children were fairly independent, one in college and one in high school. My youngest was in middle school. I shared his parenting technique, "Sell It To Me" to my daughter Shelby and she said it sounded like a good idea.

That should have been a warning to me. If I had remembered when she had learned how to write persuasive letters and essays in elementary school I would have remembered how she convinced me to get her a feral kitten who single-hand-idly wreaked havoc upon our little home. I would have remembered how she persuaded her dad to get her a bunny, or Pottery Barn for Kids to makeover her bedroom or Christmas or birthday suggestions she had handwritten for both her dad and I, post-divorce.

But no, I did not remember any of it. I wish had remembered how, as a teacher, I am impressed with a well-crafted letter or essay and how I could succumb to the written word. I only thought it was an opportunity to hone in on her skills. Or her brother and sister could hone theirs too. 

If I had remembered Shelby's skills, perhaps I would have also remembered her brother or sister's. I would have remembered that Troy had attended Speech and Debate camp at Monte Vista before his freshman year. I might have remembered he had taken the course for several years. I'd know that although he didn't always choose to compete much, he was a natural. And he was naturally good at ad-libbing and making me laugh and using his humor.

My kids know I am a sucker for laughter and so I wish I had remembered how Troy used that to his full advantage. It would aggravate both his sisters when they saw me laughing instead of disciplining. I should have remembered the time he presented his defensive lacrosse coach with the team’s end of year gift. As he did so, he recited a well-crafted speech that moved grown mothers, fathers, players and the coach he so wonderfully paid tribute to, to tears.

Or I may have recalled the Monte Vista High Mr. Mustang contest, where he was the emcee. During the evening he was organized, smart, and witty with a great sense of timing and improvisation that impressed some of the fathers in the audience. In fact, he impressed them to the point that they came up and told me to have Troy see them after he had graduated from college. I should have remembered the vice principal coming up to me, telling me he was amazing. But no, I didn't think about any of it when I was first presented with the "Sell It To Me" method of child rearing. Sigh.

If I had, I would have remembered how my oldest daughter Morgan began her own version of "Sell It To Me" naturally and all of her own accord. She would ask me to go over to a neighbor's house when she was in elementary school. Around that time we had set up a computer station in our family room. As I was online designing a lesson for school or creating class lists she'd know it was not the best time to ask to do something.

She would come up and beginning rubbing my head, massaging my scalp. She used this successful methodology on her father too. She could de-stress us both to the point of near drooling. Our body language softened and we would be sliding down the chair in a pool of relaxation. At that point, she would pose the aforementioned request to go to a friend's house, or have one of hers over to ours.

Sadly, she knows her powers now and rarely, if ever uses them. Which brings me back to her sister Shelby ... just this past weekend she wielded her powers of persuasion from the "Sell It To Me" technique. It was hot. I was tired from running 12 miles earlier that morning. I envisioned relaxing at home. She needed something from Target.

After I had said no, she decided to try once more with this, "Mom, really, you know one year from now I will be away from home at college. You will need to run an errand at Target. You will miss me. You'll think back on this day and only wish that you could have the experience of being with me as we always have a good time together.

Mom, think, 'Gilmore Girls' and how Rory went off to college and left Lorelai all alone. I will even drive you there so you can relax some more. Now, don't you want to go to Target with me?"  Believe it or not, I still said no.  And then after my shower I got dressed, headed downstairs and into the garage. 
Shelby was waiting for me in the driver's seat, knowing full well that her "Sell It To Me “skills had been successful enough for a short trip to Target. And as I opened the passenger door I knew she was right. I am going to miss my little salesgirl. 

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